Presidential Address to the Nation Friday 12th November 2021
Presidential Address at Independence Park on Independence Day 12th November 2021
Friends, Republicans, Countrymen
Welcome to the newly renamed Independence Park!
I address you today as President of the Republic on the seventh anniversary of the Declaration of Independence of The Republic of Wynnum on Wednesday 12th November 2014.
And on behalf of the Republic I’d also like to acknowledge the Traditional Owners of the land and pay our respects to their Elders, past and present, and Elders from other communities.
We should look back on the past seven years with a sense of achievement. The announcement of the Republic back then shone a light on our beautiful part of the world and today – as one of the most liberal and, dare I say, relaxed countries in the world – we now count around 1,000 citizens of the realm and 75 members of aristocracy, and as I stand here today I am the 5th and current president in an admittedly short list of Presidents of the Republic.
We can also marvel at where the Republic of Wynnum is today compared to seven years ago. We have a thriving centre with a cinema, good restaurants and bars and – next week – the only Fringe Festival within 2,000 kilometres. Plus the other week (just over the border but we’ll claim it) we had our first open air concert – Rock The Bay.
I am here today to celebrate with you, but also to make some important announcements on new government policy initiatives that the Republic will shortly implement. These are…
Unfortunately the Republic was not invited to COP26 in Glasgow. We wouldn’t have gone even if we’d been invited. Due to budget constraints AirForce One is a drone we bought recently and that wouldn’t have got us there. Secondly we’d prefer not to add any more CO2 to the atmosphere than is necessary, and would have been perfectly happy Zoom Bombing in.
Nonetheless today I announce two important pledges for the Republic…
1. We will go to net zero emissions by 2024, our 10th anniversary of independence
2. We will further commit to reaching absolute zero – no offsets for us – by 2030
Go hard or go home at all is our approach in the Republic.
You may well ask us how are we going to achieve this. We stand with other world leaders and say to you ‘we haven’t got a clue’, but we certainly know technology that hasn’t been invented yet is not the answer. So our slogan is…
Taxes Not Technology
…and we point to the incredibly popular voluntary taxation system we implemented in 2015. None of our Citizens objected to the implementation of a tax system, however we do have to report that tax collection has been lower than expected. In fact we have collected $5M – sorry that’s a spelling mistake – $5.
Which brings me neatly to government expenditure.
The Republic has always welcomed prospective citizens from around the world and elsewhere. We have no laborious application process and you can in fact become a Citizen in a few minutes online. Unlike most other countries, there is no fee for this. And currently there is no fee for a passport.
As of 1st Jan 2022 this will change, with a new or replacement passport being $25 (Wynnum Dollars of course) including postage. This fee is waived if you visit a passport office in the Republic and collect your passport there. There will still be no fee to become a Citizen.
At the same time we have also decided that the Republic is undervaluing its aristocratic titles. Indeed how do you decide what an aristocratic title is worth? So as of 1st Jan 2022 aristocratic titles will go up in price by at least 50%, in some cases more.
I’d also like to make an announcement of three discretionary presidential appointments – we’re appointing an Admiral – that will be Derek Hall, Bernie Neylan will become our Field Marshal, I will become Air Commodore on leaving Presidential office and David Bateson supporting those appointment will be the Minister of Propaganda, so we can now claim to have Defences of the Realm.
Republic to issue postage stamps
Finally – the Republic is issuing a range of commemorative stamps, featuring the Presidents of the Republic.
You may find that the postal services of other countries do not recognise these stamps, so you may wish to add (for example) Australian stamps to any packages that you would like to arrive at their destination, and reserve use of Republic of Wynnum stamps only for letters that you don’t want delivered.
We will have a small number of first day covers and special collectible sets available soon.
Changes to Presidential Election
Finally… the COVID pandemic has taken its toll on our normal presidential election process. As you may know this is an online auction with the title going to the highest bidder, previously held on Independence Day.
Last year we were unable to run the election on Independence Day and, after introducing a ‘Buy Now’ option which was taken up immediately, the election did not proceed in its usual way. We have now moved the Presidential term to coincide with the calendar year, with the election to be held shortly for the next Presidential term starting 1st January 2022. If you think you’re up to the job, feel free to apply!
Thank you fellow Citizens.